To much to fast

For the past couple of weeks my pain has been stedily increasing. In that time I have had to start using a walker. I am using the walker for extra support. I have been having horrible back spasums, when a spasum hits it is out of the blue and I fall to the floor. My right side has been my problem side sense my accident. Espically after that lady pulled out in front of me and I broke my leg standing on the breaks. Because of that and my back pain when a spasum hits my right leg goes limp and I fall. I now have a lovely scar at the corner of my left eye. I was walking into the potty a horrible back spasm hit and to the floor I went breaking the door frame and messing my face up in the process. I have lots of bumps burses and scrapes sense before the walker. I started this post yesterday, I was in a bad way yesterday. I honestly could not stay awake and the only place I could get comfortable was in the recliner. Last night was another very bad night. I am on new depression meds and it is really messing me up. Yesterday I felt like I had over dosed on some thing. It was the same last night except I was seeing thing that weren't there. Nic would wake up and I would be shaking again. I am hoping today is better. Shelby is sick. I cant remember the last time she has been this bad. Today if I can find a driver I am taking her to the doctor. This no driving thing isn't so bad. This is the only snag we have found is when something like this come up out of the blue. Sorry I am kind of all over the place with this post. I can feel my meds kicking in and I am getting sleepy again and starting to feel like crap. If I can I will try to do another blog today about my procedure. Have s good day everyone.

So it's been a little bit.

I haven't been on here in almost 3 years. Well a lot have changed. First Jon and I are no longer together. We remain friends but decided that we both wanted different paths in life. I met my husband Nic in March of 2012. It was love at first break down. We met at the ag company we were both working at. Mothers day 2012 Nic had Shelbys help and asked me to marry him. I said yes and a wedding planning did we start. Things were going great I had the most amazing kid. The farmer of my dreams. It was time for the other shoe to drop. Drop it did. August I got sick. What we thought was just a stomach bug turned into a six month twice a week hospital trip for fluids hell! The day Nic and I became husband and wife I dint remember. The reception if I didn't have the pictures of the people that were there I would have no clue about it at all. I was that sick and hide it from everyone. Nic and I left the day after out October 27th 2012 wedding for our honeymoon. It was the perfect trip for us. Arthur Illinois Amish land. We stayed at this beautiful bed and breakfast. Once again I was sick and Nic had no clue. After 2 days on our honeymoon Nic finally learned the real deal. We decided it was time to cut the trip short and get home. We made it home around five. By ten that night I was being transferred to St. Louis University Hospital. I had a mass in my brain. I started having seizures. I was blind in my right eye. I had let this go far to long but I was so afraid I would let someone down. After all the scans testing and prodding the Dr.s still had no clue what exactly was the problem. They sent me home. Everything was going half way smoothly up until March of 2013. We were all a go to buy Nic's grandparents farm. That was until his grandmother decided she didn't like that idea anymore and started bullying Nic. Now if you know me at all you know I do not put up with such things. Nic had been bullied his entire life just as I had. The only difference was I fought back he couldn't. So I got a little mad at how hurt they were making my husband and I went and had a few words with his grandma. Looking back now I should have used a different approach but I would still defend him again for the same reason with the same consequences. I was served a order of protection and we had this big court thing. It is all in the past but I haven't been the same sense. I continued to steadily go down hill and become a person even I didn't know. I started going to a counselor in April of 2013. I needed some depression meds and some anger meds. I know I have Manic depression bi-polar 2 and anxiety issues. I was born this way there is not a thing I can do to change it. I have to embrace it and do what the dr.s say. I have been working closely with a few drs to get my medication correct. All along my chronic back pain was getting worse not helping anything. In October of 2014 I lost it. I had a seizure and could not be awoken. thankfully we are living with my parents and Nic got my mom. At six one morning I was ambulanced to the hospital. I have no memory of the next 3 weeks. I have been battling this pain now for that long. I am no longer safe to drive. I can not walk with out the aid of a walker. I am loving on pain pills so much so that my husband leaves me my morning pill. To get my after noon pill I have to call him so he can tell me where he hid it. I will admit it had gotten bad but despite what others say I am NOT a pill popping junky I just hurt. That I guess bring us to today were I am on 4 crazy medicines as my dad calls them 2 different pain pills and a heavy duty muscle relaxer. This week we find out when I can get this amazing thing called a Spinal cord stimulator. Basically its a implanted tens unit that has electrodes placed on my spinal cord to help discize the pain so to speak. I can finally see the light at the end of my tunnel. I see hope! I am doing everything in my power to make sure my end is buttoned up tight and the drs end can do there job. I can honestly say this is the first time I have been able to picture realif sense my accident on July 23 2009. I am going to try to keep going on this a good friend promised she would be my biggest fan. I am great full for friends like her who help me be a better person.

Today is one of my favorite days

Every year about this time we butcher hogs. I have to say that even though it is hard work all weekend its one of the funnest weekends of the year. We get to see friends and family we dont see all year and we get a freezer full of pork. Jons grandfather started butchering a long long time ago. When he passed away in 1980 Jons dad kept it going. For the most part the same people that helped back 32 years ago still take part today. Now we have three generations helping. Jons nephew who is 7 started last year helping a little more by working the hand stuffer. We start on Friday after noon and dont stop till Sunday evening. I will have to post a little more on the process but I am in a rush to get Shelby to her Grandmas so she can go to a birthday party. I hope you all have a great weekend!

Paula Deen

I am going to start by saying that I don't normally get involved in these types of things but this is something that is really bothering me.

Paula Deen has been on the news a lot lately for coming out and saying she has been a diabetic for 3 years. I have been listening to both sides one being that its her fault and she needs to stop trying to kill America with her cooking. The other being good for her more cleberitys need to come out and say Hey I have health issues just like the rest of you. My thoughts on this is you know what yes she uses butter and lard and sugar. But who cares what she makes how she makes it let alone how she eats it. I am all for making things she cooks just the way she cooks them but there's a difference we WORK it off. Being on a farm we move a lot there is not a who lot of sitting going on unless its in a tractor. Now don't get me wrong I could stand to lose a few pounds but I am in now way overweight. I will keep cooking Paula Deen style because its the kind of food that sticks with you all day when you might not know when your going to be able to stop and eat again or say you eat dinner (lunch) on a really busy day you might not get supper. You might be so dang tired that you come in and pass out in the chair. When I make lunch for My farmer and I homemade fried chicken fried in lard with mashed potatoes homemade gravy corn and biscuits or something along those lines is what I make. Because it sticks with you your not starving after a hour. So if you do come home and pass out in the chair your less likely to wake up starving. Then the days that you do get to come in for supper you still don't eat as much as you would if you would have had a lighter dinner. In all I guess my theory is it's not what you make or how you make it that is making everyone fat and unhealthy its getting off you ass and moving to make it worth eating that. I guess another reason why I cook the way Paula does is because "health food" is freaking expensive we raise our own cows pigs and chickens we also have a big garden in the spring and I can. I can make butter I have chickens that lay eggs I don't spend a whole lot of money at the grocery store. So if I were to decide that I wanted something healthy I would first have to drive the 20 min to the store spend about $100 for one meal drive the 20 min back home to make it and get asked "what the hell is this wheres the food" I cant see the logic behind that. Sorry I am going in a million different directions here but this has me pissed. Leave the lady alone for all we know it might not have been her cooking that led her to get diabetes she could have very well gotten a cold that settled in her pancerase and killed it. Leading her to need insulin. My ex husband had that happen to him at the age of 20. My uncle died of this desise I know all to much about it so I guess that's what gets me fired up. I guess that is all if you took the time to read my scattered thoughts and bad grammar thank you! I am trying to get better with spelling and grammar.

Wow what a week in weather

On Monday and Tuesday Jon and Shelby worked ground, it was close to 70 outside with bright sunshine. Today well we have about three inches of snow strong blowing wind and it is now 3. We have been in white out conditions all day. I think mother nature is screwing with us big time.

Shelby has been in and out of the hospital a lot this winter, she has asthma very bad and ended up with croup and pneumonia a few days before Christmas. She was getting better for a while and WAM! got hit again with double pneumonia last Friday. Then today we went to the Dr. for them to tell us she has strep throat while on a heavy antibiotic. So she is now on super duty antibiotics that make her sick. This is not the way I wanted her to start out her year.



(note to self great job remembering to spell check before posting)

On this day..............................

I posted this pic a while back.

This is what Jon and Shelby have been doing all afternoon. On this day January 9th 2012, so hard to believe. I know this is Monday but this is all I have for now.

2012

We are three days into the New Year and with saying that I can say that I am three days smoke free. I am trying to keep the resolutions I have set for my self. So far so good. My other resolutions are be a better farm wife and farm mom. Oh and have another baby. (I can get pregnant just fine its carrying them where I have my issue). Well that's all I really have to say right now I will include a few pics of Shelby from Christmas. She was very blessed this Christmas.

For some reason my sweet baby girl has decided to lean to the dark side and LOVE John Deere. Her Papa and I are trying very hard to unwash her brain.