Wednesday, September 7, 2011

New Chapter?

Before I get to the main topic I guess I should start with a little back story to get everyone caught up.

In May of 2006 I gave birth to my daughter Shelby.
In January of 2009 I started dating the man of my dreams. Going from single struggling mom/farmer, to a farmers daughter, farmers girlfriend, farming mom. Now don't get me wrong I was born in to a farming family and have been my daddy's right hand man, for as long as I can remember. Being a only kid sometimes has its perks. Shelby is also being raised as a big farm kid. At 2 weeks old she helped her mommy cut wheat.
In May of 2009 I landed my dream job or so I thought. Working as a union operator, running equipment and getting paid very well for it.
On June 18Th 2009 my grandfather went to be with Jesus. Where he could walk with his own legs. (they were cut off in a bad accident in 1956 before my dad was born. But he didn't let have plastic ones slow him down though.) I was very close with him. I am still missing him horribly every day.
July 23rd 2009 will be a day I forever remember. I fell at work and broke my back. Luckily I am still able to walk and do most every thing I could before. But only after 2 very painful very invasive surgery's.

Well that mostly brings us to today. I am currently at a cross road. I am having a big issue deciding what is going to happen next in my life. I could finally after 2years go back to a job that I loved. But the hours sucked. I was working 6 10 hour days. I would love to be able to stay home and just help farm. But we lost allot of rent ground to a "corporate farm" so that is not a option at this point in time. Jon and I have talked about me going back to school but, school is not something that comes easy for me. I have dyslexia, so I learn allot differently and slower than others. I would have to take 4 English classes just to get to English 101. I am ready to but the surgery's and pain behind me and, move on with the next chapter.
Is there really a moment where it hits you that that's what you what to be when you go up. I am struggling with this because I don't want to make the wrong decision. I have been struggling with this for a while now. Do I go back to work or do I go back to school. With the going back to work I am back to missing allot of Shelby's going on's and her growing up. With school I am struggling with can I do this is it going to be worth the money? What if I fail. do I go back to work so that we have less worries about money or how to pay this or that bill. Do I go back to school while Shelby's in school so that she sees that I am bettering my self for her and am doing homework just like her. This has all been so over whelming at times. So what do I do?

Sorry I have been kinda all over the place with this post but any advice or comments will be greatly appreciated. Thanks