Wednesday, March 17, 2010

My Poppy

In 11 hours and some minets my Poppy (grandfather) will have been in heaven for 9 months. I am writing about this now because I think I have healed enough to do so. Or maybe I need to write this so that I can heal more. Poppy's death was unexpectant then again it was not. He had been sick for sometime. I know I need to start with some background but the background in my family is very very confusing to me. 1 minute you have a happy slightly disfunctional family with Uncles Aunts cousins grandparets, then the next you are to speak to none of them! When you do start speaking to them you are no longer part of "there" family but a outsider wanting in. Poppy never made me feel like that he was the only one that I could go see and still feel the same love the unconditonial love that I had felt before. The day that I herd Poppy was sick I went to him I only left when the rest of the family did weather I was welcome there or not I was not leaving without a fight. Poppy made it threw that frist night and the next day a 9am I was the first one in his room sitting by his bed. talking to him telling him how much I loved him and he knew who I was look dead at me and said hun I dont want to eat yet. I told him that he didnt have to eat if he didnt want to that was fine. I told him I loved him while he was awake and he said I love you to breeann. those were the last words he spoke to anyone. Grandma came in and I held her hand (that is the closest grandma and I have been in 10 years for family issuse reassonsee hey I said disfuncial.) I stayed there all day at 3 in the after noon he took a bad turn and I called everyone and said get up here. a few hours later everyone was there but my dad. I was in bad enough shape as it was I needed my dad there He needed to be there for him. I moved a mountian that night dad showed up he was there. he was with the whole family when grandpa passed the way it should have been. I read something i wote for grandpa at the funral.

For my Grandpa

I know we are all feeling a little bit sad,
That we've lost our Grandpa, our friend and our dad
Together we have cried an ocean of tears
As we feel so empty and hold many fears

But Grandpa would want us to know he's in a good place
And that he watching us all with a smile on his face
As we have made him so proud, as proud as can be
That he has raised such a beautiful and special family

Thinking back now I really must say
I feel lucky and privileged to have known Grandpa to this day
For in my life, you have played a special part
The memories I will treasure and keep close to your heart

For me I am glad my little baby he got to meet
And for all of us, be grateful, his life is now complete
To each one of us he has loved and cared
And a family, be thankful for the good times we shared

Although he has gone we will always be together
And his spirit will live on each one of us forever
When you look to the sky, look for the brightest star
As that will be Grandpa looking down on us from afar

And now I would like to thank the good Lord above
For blessing us with our Grandpa with his kindness and love
Dear God, if it is not too much fuss
Take extra special care of our Grandpa as he is very dear to us

Grandpa if you are listening say a prayer for us every day
Be sure to protect us and guide us on our way
We know when God called you, you had to go
But we want you to know Grandpa we miss you and love you so

I miss my poppy and am having a ruff time with him being gone. I dont tell people this because its not who I am I am tuff. I am not a cryer I am not one to let things get in my way I am one to let things go but I cant help but cry myself to sleep a few night a week thinking about him and what he and uncle J and uncle B and little granda ma and papa Jack are doing I know he is fishing and WALKING with no cane and I cant wait to walk with him and he can match me step for step or go fishing and actually catch something not just lies. I miss you poppy. (still not feeling better it was worth a shot though)

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